The Indescribable Shame of Petunio Scentavious

Farmer Bob was having the worst time trying to contain a massive critter problem on his farm. Rats, mice, rabbits, possum, squirrels, and gophers all feasted on Bob’s crops long before he had a chance to sell them to the the local grocers. Bob was desperate. He ended up at the local medium’s store, Aunt Suzie’s Sundry and Spectacle Shoppe. It was there that Farmer Bob found and purchased Petunio Scentavious, the smelliest and most ravenous of all carnivorous monster flowers.

Farmer Bob took Petunio home and planted him in the middle of the garden. Petunio was having a great time keeping the critter population under control. He ate everything small and furry. And Farmer Bob kept Petunio’s part of the garden neat and weed free. Petunio was also pruned and watered on a regular basis. Life couldn’t be better for the meat eating flower.

Petunio just had one issue on the farm. Farmer Bob had a puppy named Dewey. Dewey was an untrained and unruly miniature schnauzer. He often ran through the garden pooping and peeing on the crops. One day he peed on Petunio. Petunio finally had enough, and in a fit of rage, he devoured the little pup.

Petunio immediately felt so terrible about it. He wanted to run away, but he was planted there and couldn't leave. He was so ashamed. That night he could hear Farmer Bob calling for Dewey by his nickname, Dew-Dew.
“Dew-Dew! Oh Dew-Dew! Come-ear boy! Where are you?”
But Dewey didn’t answer as he was slowly being digested by a certain carnivorous flower. 

That night Petunio sat in the garden alone with his thoughts. He cried for hours in his shame. His cries slowed to a whimper. And then he was interrupted. The sound of the distant howling of dogs stopped the blubbering flower. He listened to the howls get cleared and louder until he started crying again. He felt the pain of guilt in the howls of the ever approaching dog voices. Part of him hoped they’d come to the garden and avenge Dewey’s death that night. But the sun came up that morning and Petunio was completely alone.

He wanted to tell Farmer Bob what he did, but he didn’t know how. He thought Farmer Bob would never forgive him. His guilt grew and grew. The next night he awoke suddenly from a deep sleep when he thought he heard Farmer Bob call out “Dew-Dew!”. But when he looked around, he was alone.

Petunio no longer saw Farmer Bob on the farm. He started to believe that Farmer Bob already knew, and had abandoned him without water and pruning. Petunio eventually grew a giant leaf out of his side. When this leaf got really large, it resembled Dewey’s head. It grew so tall that it eventually hung over Petunio's head just like his guilt. And as it started turning brown, it looked even more like that poor little puppy. And it just hung there, mocking him. Petunio grew thorns and rough edges that made him feel like he deserved his lot in life.

Petunio has all but given up hope, and he sure felt deserving of his situation. Then one day Farmer Bob came by and clipped his thorns. He then snipped off the giant leaf. When Petunio was finished being pruned and watered, they stared at each other for a moment.

Farmer Bob was the first to speak.
“I’m sorry old boy for ignoring you. It’s been quite an ordeal taking care of things lately.”
There was a pause. Then Petunio spoke.
“I thought you hated me.”
Stunned that the flower was actually talking back to him, Farmer Bob was a bit frozen in his tracks.
“You speak!”
Petunio responded, “Yes I do. And I’m so ashamed. I don’t know how I’ll ever move on. You should probably dig me up and take me back to Aunt Suzie’s shop.”
“Oh, Petunio. Why would you say something like that?”
“I’m a terrible flower. You don’t deserve to have someone as bad as me”
“Wow,” Farmer Bob responded, “What could you have possibly done?”
“I can’t say. I’m so ashamed” Petunio sobbed.
“Well, I can’t imagine what you could have done planted right here in the ground, but you shouldn’t keep things like this bottled up.”
“But you’ll hate me if you knew.”
“I promise I won’t.” Bob responded.
“You promise?”
“Of course.”
“It was me. I ate Dewey.” Petunio whimpered as he broke down into tears. “You hate me now, don’t you?”
“Of course I don’t, Petunio.”
“You don’t?”
“No, Petunio, I don’t. In fact, I already knew you ate him. And I’m not mad. Not even a little bit.”
“No? Well, how did you know?”
“You don't see me walking up behind you, but I clean your poop all the time. It always has the same shape as the animal you ate the day before. I was out one night and found a Dewey shaped poop behind you. A Dew-Dew doodoo,” Farmer Bob chuckled. “It did surprise me. I even shouted out his name. I’m surprised I didn’t wake you.”
“You did. But I didn’t know it was you. I thought God was angry at me and was calling his name to upset me.”
“No, that was me. And I’m not mad. Petunio, you’re a carnivorous flower. You eat little animals. That’s what you do. How could I possibly hate you for it. And besides, Dewey was my ex-girlfriend’s puppy. We broke up the week before you ate him. We both thought Dewey ran away.”
“She must hate me.” Petunio muttered.
“I never told her. We didn’t break up on good terms. She came back to get her stuff, but he was already gone. I haven’t spoken to her since.”
“But God still hates me. You saw the leaf he made me grow with Dewey’s face on it?”
Farmer Bob looked a his bag of clippings. “Well look at that! It sort of resembles a dog from that angle. Sort of.”
“Petunio,” Bob continued, “that’s not really a dog’s head, and God didn’t make this happen. Actually, you can blame me. I was so depressed about my breakup, I completely let things slide here on the farm. That leaf you grew was totally natural. I just neglected to cut it. It’s been a tough spring. I’m sorry I let you down, Petunio.”
“So I shouldn’t feel bad anymore?”
"No, you’re completely forgiven. I hope you can forgive me for neglecting your needs.”
“Of course I do Bob. I couldn’t imagine being on a better farm.”
“And I couldn’t imagine having a better critter hunter!”
“Awww! You’re too kind.” Petunio blushed.
“Hey Petunio, I just planted a couple carrots near you.”
“Yeah, and a new family of rabbits has been acting like the farm is their person buffet.”
“Say no more, Bob. This is what I do.”
Both the flower and farmer chuckled.

They parted ways that evening with a new understanding of each other, and began a life-long friendship.

The end.