A Big Llama Drama
Mar 04, 2023
There was once a llama named Oafish. Oafish was a very unusual llama. He was 20 feet tall and had two heads, each coming out of the top of two long necks. Oafish lived in the countryside village of Awesomeadow. He spent his days playing with the other animals in the village. He enjoyed himself very much, but the other forest fauna didn't really like playing with Oafish. After all, Oafish was 20 feet tall, and most of the other creatures in the village were very small.
The one game the village creatures would play with Oafish was hide-and-go-seek. They played this game because they could hide very well, and then play another game without Oafish. Oafish would eventually find them playing another game, and this made him sad.
One day after being abandoned in a game of hide-and-go-seek, Oafish was particularly sad. He was looking for someone to talk to, when he came across Agita. Agita was a dragonfly fairy. She was beautiful and graceful, but she was very unpopular in Awesomeadow. Agita had a bad habit of being too honest in the worst way. She always pointed out other’s worst flaws. And to make matters worse, she gave out terrible unsolicited advice.
Oafish knew this, but he was particularly sad and lonely that day, so he approached Agita.
“Hi Agita, how are you doing?”
“Oafish”, she exclaimed, “What a surprise! We never talk. I am well today how are you?”
“Oh, I'm not so good. Actually, I’m quite sad. The other meadow creatures don't want to play with me. They pretend to play with me, and then they run away. I don't know why they do this but it makes me very sad.”
“Well what did you expect?” She replied. “I mean your giant, scary, and smelly. Why would those little creatures want to play with you?”
“Oh, Agita. That makes me so sad when you say things like that. Why would you say such things?”
“Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately?” she replied.
“I don't own a mirror. I don't even have thumbs. I couldn't possibly hold a mirror.”
“Well,” she said, “perhaps if you saw yourself, you would know why the other creatures run from you.”
Agita then pulled out a hand held mirror. She looked into it and smiled at it for a brief second. Then she turned the mirror around towards Oafish. Oafish took a look in the mirror and screamed in horror.
“Oh no, no, no! That can't possibly be me!”
“It sure is.” Agita replied.
Oafish’s one head sobbed uncontrollably while the other head kept crying “No, no, no, no, no!”
“You know, if I were you,” sneered Agita, “I’d hide where no one could make me feel bad. Just saying.”
Oafish turned and ran off into the woods crying.
Oafish laid in the forest crying for several hours. When he got back up, he sat on a log and thought long and hard about what he was going to do. He didn't want to go back to Awesomeadow. He lived there his whole life, and had never thought of himself as big, scary, or smelly. He wanted to be like everyone else. He just couldn't go back and face the rest of the fauna knowing what everyone thought about him. He was so sad. He just didn't want to be a meadow creature anymore. He decided he was going to seek out his last resort with Archtooth the hunter.
Archtooth lived in a castle deep inside the forest. Oafish walked all through the night to reach the castle door.
He tapped on the door with one of his front hooves.
“Who goes there?!” shouted the voice from inside.
“It’s Oafish, from Awesomeadow. I have a request for the hunter Archtooth.”
The front gate slowly opened. Oafish took a couple steps back, and out walked a knee-high haggard looking man in a black cloak holding a crossbow. The tiny man stepped forward and walked right between Oafish’s legs. When he passed through to the other side, he turned around and then looked up, and he saw the giant two headed llama. His jaw dropped at the size of Oafish.
“My goodness, you are one hellacious beast!”
Oafish’s one head began to sob, and his other head whined, “I know. I know. That's why I've come here. I need your help. I don't want to be part of this world anymore. I've come to ask you to hunt me and make me your trophy.”
“You're huge! I don't even know if my little bows will penetrate your fur. And to be completely honest, I don't know that I want you as a trophy. You don't smell that nice.”
Now both of Oafish’s heads were crying. “I just don't know what to do. I can't go back to Awesomeadow.”“Well,” said Archtooth, “I might be able to use you. For many years I've been trying to capture this elusive dragonfly fairy. They call her Agita. Instead of being a trophy, I could make you my beast of burden. We can go back to Awesomeadow and you can help me capture her.”
Oafish stood silently for a moment. At first this sounded like a good idea. After all, it was Agita that caused all of his pain. But something just didn’t feel right. “I, I, I don't know if I could do that.” Oafish finally stuttered.
“Well I'm not gonna give you much of a choice.” Archtooth then walked back into the castle, and the gate shut behind him. Oafish stood there for a moment, and then he heard a rustling at the top of the castle. Suddenly a giant net dropped on top of him. Oafish was now the captive of Archtooth the hunter.
Oafish was housed in a large cage inside a warehouse by the castle’s side entrance. A few days after being captured, Archtooth entered the cage and fashioned Oafish with a saddle and a pair of black leather masks, one for each face. The tiny hunter climbed on top of Oafish, kicked him in the side, and yelled out, “Let’s get that beautiful jewel of a bug!”
They rode all day to get to Awesomeadow. They camped out in the woods just outside the entrance. Early the next morning, they hid behind a flowering bush near the edge of the woods. Agita came out for her morning fly-through. When she was close, Archtooth bonked Oafish on his head with his club. Oafish howled and stuck his hurting head over the top of the bush in tears.
Agita flew up to his head and said, “Hey I thought I smelled you. Didn’t you run away?”
Suddenly Archtooth reached out and caught her in a long net. He stuck his hand into the net and gently removed her.
“You’re my little gem now!” he exclaimed.
He put her in a glass jar, and covered the opening with a lid that had small holes for breathing.
When they got back to Archtooth’s castle, both Oafish and Agita were put in cages next to each other in the warehouse. When the warehouse door was closed and they were both alone together, they each started to cry. Each whimpered softly to themselves. Agita looked over and saw Oafish crying. This made her mad and she stopped her own crying.
“What are you crying for?” she shouted.
“Everything is terrible.” Oafish blubbered.
“Well it’s all your fault, you sniveling stink bomb!”
“Noooooo…” he murmured back out of one mouth while the other sobbed uncontrollably.
“If you didn’t run off into the forest, we wouldn’t be here!”
Both of Oafish’s mouths were now silent. There was a brief pause and then he spoke. “You are mean. The words you said to me made me want to not be alive anymore. I ran away because of you. This is your fault. I shouldn’t have even spoken to you last week, but I was alone and needed support. You showed me something I wasn’t prepared to see. I was happy then. And now I can never go back. You can never give me that life back.”
Oafish moved into the corner of his cage and resumed crying. This time even louder. Agita was too tired and too sad to even cry. The cries subsided and both of them whimpered in their cages for several hours. Finally Agita spoke.
“I didn’t realize I made you feel that bad. I didn’t even believe I had the power to do such a thing. I haven’t been a good fairy. I’m sorry. If we get out of here, I promise to do better.”
Oafish thought deeply for a moment and replied. “I’m a giant llama with two heads. While I’ve never held a mirror, each of my heads can see the other head. I know what I look like. I’ve spent my whole life in denial. And I’m responsible for accepting myself. I’m sorry if I got you involved in my troubles. If we get out of here, I promise to do better too.”
“You are a giant llama,” Agita said, “and our cages were built by a man not much bigger than a bunny rabbit. I bet you if you leaned on the side of the cage, the bars would snap.”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
Oafish leaned his big body into the side of the cage. The wooden bars bent and made a squeaking noise. After a couple seconds of pressure, the bars snapped, the cage collapsed, and Oafish laid in a heap on the warehouse floor covered with wooden bars.
“That’s great, Oafish! Now get me out of here.”
Oafish got to his feet, leaned over Agita’s cage, and bit of the lock on the door. Agita flew out.
“Now what, Agita?”
Agita flew up to a high window and looked out. “This window here goes outside of the castle complex. Try leaning on this wall, it looks as poorly constructed as that cage.”
Oafish leaned on the wall “It’s bending but it’s not falling down.”
“Take a step back and run into it.”
Oafish hesitated. “Uh…”
“Hurry, the sun will be up any minute and Archtooth will be back.”
“Ok, I’m a giant llama. I can do this. Here goes.”
Oafish took three steps back and lunged at the wall. It bowed wildly. Oafish fell back in a heap. The wall collapsed towards the outside, and there was a terrible scream.
“That was a loud scream Oafish. Are you OK?
“It wasn’t me.” He said, rising to his feet.
“Well, let’s get out of here.” And Agita flew out of the hole in the wall.
“Come on Oafish! I don’t see the hunter.”
As Oafish took his first step over the rubble of the castle wall, Archtooth poked the top half of his body from underneath the rocks. Oafish’s front hoof landed right on Archtooth’s head. There was a crunch and his head was crunched like a smashed pumpkin.
“Archtooth!” gasped Agita.
“Oh no, where?!”
Agita looked down at the smashed man under Oafish’s hoof but didn’t want him to feel bad. “Oh, Archtooth is out. That’s what I meant.”
“And, I don’t think he’ll be bothering us anymore.”
“How do you know that?” asked Oafish.
“Well let’s just say that I’ve learned I don’t need to say things that aren’t helpful.”
“Aw, you’ve grown Agita.” Oafish paused for a second. “Are we friends now?”
“Yes, Oafish, I think we are.”
“I’ve never had a friend before.”
“Me neither. Let’s get back to Awesomeadow. If we hurry we’ll be back by sundown.”
Oafish and Agita made it back to Awesomeadow in time for dinner with the other village fauna. They stayed friends forever.